Milk, milk, milk, where are you?

We have finally found NAN 1 Pro as the formula milk that suit Jaden the most.  He had tried Enfalac A+ (which made him very hyper and restless -grunting and snorting non-stop) and Similac (caused diarrhea) before this. 

From our experience, you can never say which formula milk is the best, instead you can only say which brand is most suitable for your baby, and you probably have to keep trying different formulas before you find the right one. Usually, getting samples from your doctor would be best, however we did not have that luxury as we had chosen a "baby-friendly" hospital where breast feeding is encouraged, thus doctors are not allowed to give away samples.

All the while, I had truly wished to fully breast feed Jaden. However, sometimes things do not turn out the way we want. Despite consistent latching on and pumping, my milk did not really come. I have also tried almost all the possible remedies:

1) Drink double boiled young papaya soup, fish soup, red bean soup, chinese herbal 'chuan tong cao' (川通 草)soup
2) Drink RM99 per pack “guarantee to get milk” Sacred Tea
3) Take GNC Fenugreek supplement pill
4) Take rasberry leaf tea
5) Drink Enfamama lactating milk
6) Get postnatal masseur to 'unblock the milk ducts'
7) Visit a lactation consultant - was asked to eat a lot of fattening food like cheese cake and chocolate cake
*I did not try remedy #7, as I think my baby needs a healthy mom to take care of him, and not one who is stuffed with unhealthy trans fat.

After all the effort, my best yield was only 40ml after pumping both sides for 45 minutes. This made me quite depressed, especially the first 2 weeks. I also had crack and bleeding nipples due to over pumping. The pain was unbearable.

I did not know what is the reason of me not having enough milk. And then, out of curiosity, I googled ' PCOS and breast feeding', I sort of got an answer to justify my situation. Research shows that 1/3 of PCOS patients have very low volume of breast milk. Tada.....I was the 'lucky' 1/3! Although I am not very sure that if PCOS is the reason of me having low volume of breast milk, at least this finding has lifted a heavy emotional burden off me. A chat with Dr. Paul also made me believe that being a good mother and mother-child bonding is not solely depends on breastfeeding your child. His comforting advice has encouraged me to face my situation honestly and accept who I am.

Nevertheless, I will still continue to pump and let Jaden latch on, just to maintain my supply, no matter how low the volume is. I will let Jaden have whatever I can produce, hopefully until he is 6 months old.

If you happen to fall into the same category as me, and had been told by many breast feeding fanatics (a.k.a. certain unconsiderate lactation consultants and mothers who look down on mothers that are unable to breastfeed) that the reason of you not having milk/ enough milk is because you did not try hard enough, I want you to lift up your head, look into their eyes and tell them to respect your difference. After all, you are still a good mother!