Mr. I Don't Want

Dear Jaden,

It has been 2 weeks since you have diagnosed with HFMD (Hand Foot and Mouth Disease). It all started with a text message that mommy received from your nursery in a late afternoon.

I was told that you have high fever at 39.6 degree Celsius. Teachers were trying to wipe off your body heat with wet towels. By the time mommy rushed to the nursery, your temperature was already down to 37.5. You looked particularly happy to see me. You smiled and waved to me. I even doubted if you were really sick.

There were three teachers gathered around you to show me the little red spots on your palms and soles. They also told me that you refused to eat and drink for the whole day, probably due to the pain caused by the blisters in the mouth. Before I even asked if you were the first kid in the nursery to have this condition, your teachers quickly told me that there was no case of HFMD in the centre prior to your situation. They are really scared that mommy blamed the centre on spreading the endemic disease to you. What has done is done, there is no point for mommy to trace and dig whose fault was it after all. What I needed to do was to bring you to the doctor to confirm your situation.

You cried very loudly as usual when we were at the neighbourhood clinic. The nurse used all kinds of story books and toys to distract your attention but her effort was in vain. Dr. Yew confirmed your condition as HFMD. Mommy was told you have to depend on your own immune system to get rid of the virus from your system. Meanwhile, Paracetamol and a mild antibiotic were prescribed to control your situation. From mommy's experience, Dr. Yew never likes to prescribe antibiotic to child patients. However, this time it was needed to prevent the blister from spreading to a more serious degree. Also, mommy was having your 7 months' old little brother in the tummy, although HFMD does not normally spread to adult, but doctor just wanted to be extra careful after knowing that mommy would be the one who would be taking care of you at home for the next one week.

Red spots and blisters on Jaden's sole

Red spots on Jaden's knee.

"I don't want " was the most used phrase throughout your next 1 week quarantine period. For the first 2 days, you just could not eat anything. Aside from milk, Mommy had prepared porridge, macaroni, bread with jam, pau, chiffon cake, fruit juice, yogurt...all kind of 'soft' food that I hoped you would at least eat a bit. Unfortunately you cried and shouted "I don't want' every time you tried to eat some food. Poor kid, the ulcer in your mouth must be killing you. You practically just fed on slightly sweetened 'chrysanthemum tea' that mommy boiled for you every day. You even have nightmare a few times during the night. You cried and yelled "I don't want". When we were hesitating whether to send you to the hospital to put you on drips, your grandmother suggested that we fed you some premium quality ice cream. Yes, this was extremely effective, ever since, you kept asking for ice cream almost for every meal. Of course, mommy had also slowly added in bread, pau and even some rice into your ice cream. You did not even mind to swallow them together!

On the 4th day, your condition began to improve. You began to become a very adorable toddler. You talked, sang and smiled a lot. You slept soundly too, you even woke up as late as 10 in the morning with a sunshine smile. This was very uncommon on those normal days where you need to wake up early to go to the nursery. I remembered you were always very moody and quiet.

Your appetite had improved as well. Be it rice with chicken soup, porridge with fried fish or even your ordinary formula milk, you were able to finish them without much persuasion.

Crossing his legs while drinking milk

Enjoying home baked banana cake

Playing 'fighting game' happily with Papa, marked that you have recovered.

Playing his favourite block

On the fifth days, mommy began to prepare you mentally that you are going back to the nursery on the following week. You cried and said "I don't want" every time mommy mentioned it to you.  I remembered 2 days before you officially went back to the nursery, mommy had to drop by your nursery to bring back your blanket and comforter for washing.  Upon reaching the nursery,  you, who were sitting at the back seat start crying hysterically and shouted your favourite "I don't want".

Your school was closed down for 5 days for high dosage spring cleaning after 4 other kids in your class were diagnosed with HFMD.  A letter from doctor was needed to prove that you have fully recovered before you were accepted back to the school.

Mommy had a hard time persuaded and  sweet talked to you on the first day you returned to school. You refused to put on the uniform. "I don't want........." was heard throughout the whole morning. Papa had to practically carry and drag you, the crying baby into the car. It took mommy and Papa another 4 days to send you to the school without needing having a morning circus at home.

One more week passed by, you now do not shout for "I don't want" anymore. You seem once again accepted that attending the nursery from 8AM to 5.30 PM for 5 days a week as part of your fate. Meanwhile, you have also lost the shine in your eyes, as well as the cheerfulness from within, that mommy had witnessed while you were 'quarantined' at home. At merely 2 years old, your little heart must have already knew the answer whenever it whispered "what choice do I have?".

Looking at your tiny face, Mommy's heart is bleeding quietly too. Both your papa and mommy are working. We are reluctant to get a maid and leave you and your future little brother at home with the maid in the day time. Mommy is also asking the same question as you do. "What choice do I have?"

Mommy promise you, things will change and improve, slightly if not entirely in the very near future. Mommy will be able to spend more time to care and play with you.

Love you with all my heart,
Mommy