Mr. I Don't Want

Dear Jaden,

It has been 2 weeks since you have diagnosed with HFMD (Hand Foot and Mouth Disease). It all started with a text message that mommy received from your nursery in a late afternoon.

I was told that you have high fever at 39.6 degree Celsius. Teachers were trying to wipe off your body heat with wet towels. By the time mommy rushed to the nursery, your temperature was already down to 37.5. You looked particularly happy to see me. You smiled and waved to me. I even doubted if you were really sick.

There were three teachers gathered around you to show me the little red spots on your palms and soles. They also told me that you refused to eat and drink for the whole day, probably due to the pain caused by the blisters in the mouth. Before I even asked if you were the first kid in the nursery to have this condition, your teachers quickly told me that there was no case of HFMD in the centre prior to your situation. They are really scared that mommy blamed the centre on spreading the endemic disease to you. What has done is done, there is no point for mommy to trace and dig whose fault was it after all. What I needed to do was to bring you to the doctor to confirm your situation.

You cried very loudly as usual when we were at the neighbourhood clinic. The nurse used all kinds of story books and toys to distract your attention but her effort was in vain. Dr. Yew confirmed your condition as HFMD. Mommy was told you have to depend on your own immune system to get rid of the virus from your system. Meanwhile, Paracetamol and a mild antibiotic were prescribed to control your situation. From mommy's experience, Dr. Yew never likes to prescribe antibiotic to child patients. However, this time it was needed to prevent the blister from spreading to a more serious degree. Also, mommy was having your 7 months' old little brother in the tummy, although HFMD does not normally spread to adult, but doctor just wanted to be extra careful after knowing that mommy would be the one who would be taking care of you at home for the next one week.

Red spots and blisters on Jaden's sole

Red spots on Jaden's knee.

"I don't want " was the most used phrase throughout your next 1 week quarantine period. For the first 2 days, you just could not eat anything. Aside from milk, Mommy had prepared porridge, macaroni, bread with jam, pau, chiffon cake, fruit juice, yogurt...all kind of 'soft' food that I hoped you would at least eat a bit. Unfortunately you cried and shouted "I don't want' every time you tried to eat some food. Poor kid, the ulcer in your mouth must be killing you. You practically just fed on slightly sweetened 'chrysanthemum tea' that mommy boiled for you every day. You even have nightmare a few times during the night. You cried and yelled "I don't want". When we were hesitating whether to send you to the hospital to put you on drips, your grandmother suggested that we fed you some premium quality ice cream. Yes, this was extremely effective, ever since, you kept asking for ice cream almost for every meal. Of course, mommy had also slowly added in bread, pau and even some rice into your ice cream. You did not even mind to swallow them together!

On the 4th day, your condition began to improve. You began to become a very adorable toddler. You talked, sang and smiled a lot. You slept soundly too, you even woke up as late as 10 in the morning with a sunshine smile. This was very uncommon on those normal days where you need to wake up early to go to the nursery. I remembered you were always very moody and quiet.

Your appetite had improved as well. Be it rice with chicken soup, porridge with fried fish or even your ordinary formula milk, you were able to finish them without much persuasion.

Crossing his legs while drinking milk

Enjoying home baked banana cake

Playing 'fighting game' happily with Papa, marked that you have recovered.

Playing his favourite block

On the fifth days, mommy began to prepare you mentally that you are going back to the nursery on the following week. You cried and said "I don't want" every time mommy mentioned it to you.  I remembered 2 days before you officially went back to the nursery, mommy had to drop by your nursery to bring back your blanket and comforter for washing.  Upon reaching the nursery,  you, who were sitting at the back seat start crying hysterically and shouted your favourite "I don't want".

Your school was closed down for 5 days for high dosage spring cleaning after 4 other kids in your class were diagnosed with HFMD.  A letter from doctor was needed to prove that you have fully recovered before you were accepted back to the school.

Mommy had a hard time persuaded and  sweet talked to you on the first day you returned to school. You refused to put on the uniform. "I don't want........." was heard throughout the whole morning. Papa had to practically carry and drag you, the crying baby into the car. It took mommy and Papa another 4 days to send you to the school without needing having a morning circus at home.

One more week passed by, you now do not shout for "I don't want" anymore. You seem once again accepted that attending the nursery from 8AM to 5.30 PM for 5 days a week as part of your fate. Meanwhile, you have also lost the shine in your eyes, as well as the cheerfulness from within, that mommy had witnessed while you were 'quarantined' at home. At merely 2 years old, your little heart must have already knew the answer whenever it whispered "what choice do I have?".

Looking at your tiny face, Mommy's heart is bleeding quietly too. Both your papa and mommy are working. We are reluctant to get a maid and leave you and your future little brother at home with the maid in the day time. Mommy is also asking the same question as you do. "What choice do I have?"

Mommy promise you, things will change and improve, slightly if not entirely in the very near future. Mommy will be able to spend more time to care and play with you.

Love you with all my heart,
Mommy

Week 21 - Structural Scan

At week 21, I have scheduled a structural scan session with Dr. Patrick Chia at FMGC (Fetal Medicine & Gynaecology Centre at Jaya One, Petaling Jaya). This detailed scan took about 20 minutes to thoroughly scan through the main organs of the baby, just to make sure there is no abnormality in terms of functions as well as appearance.

In fact, this scan was optional since my fetus has passed the 1st trimester screening at week -12 with low risk. However, my heart could not be 'set free' whenever I recalled the long list of medicine that I have taken just days before I found out that I was pregnant. (You may read more about my preceding story here.) My gynae, Dr. Paul Ng (Pantai Hospital Kuala Lumpur) has suggested me to undergo this scan just to find out the truth, as keep worrying about the baby throughout the pregnancy has no benefit at all, to both the baby and mother.

My husband and I reached FMGC at 9:20 AM on a working day. We were told that the waiting time is about 90 minutes as we are patient number 6 while Dr. Patrick was just about to attend to patient number 2. We were called in at about 11am. As usual, the soft spoken Dr. Patrick greeted and chatted with us for a couple of minutes, before he began to perform the scan. You will never feel that you were being 'rushed' through the session even though there was still quite a long queue outside of his consultation room.

First of all, the doctor 'helped' us to confirm the gender of the baby. This time, without much effort, the baby generously showed us his weapons......yes, we are having another boy! Of course, the perfect scenario is to get a girl to complete the 'set'. However, just barely 7 years ago, we thought we will be childless, isn't it already a great blessing to be able to have 2 children now? So, who cares about the gender? Health comes first. Nevertheless, we knew that both of us have to really be fit enough to be able to chase after 2 active little men in the very near future.

This scan had also showcased that the baby is doing well. The following were visualized and appear normal:
Head, brain, face, spine, neck and skin, chest, four-chamber view and great vessels of heart, abdominal wall, gastrointestinal tract, kidneys, bladder, extremities (arms, legs, fingers and toes) and skeleton.

The doctor had also revealed that I shall have a healthy and safe pregnancy looking that my placenta is positioned at posterior high. There will be no issue for me to travel or continue to perform not too strenuous sports.

This was indeed a good consultation session to clear all the dark clouds that scattered above me all these while. I am now able to march ahead healthily and happily with the baby in the womb.

Expenses:
Structural Scan + Consultation Fees=RM400

P/S: 1st Trimester Screening + Consultation fees = RM 845 

Maternity Belly Belt

I love wearing jeans as it gives me a sense of dynamic and mobility.

Being pregnant means that you have to say goodbye to your ordinary jeans as soon as your belly expands.

I remembered during my first pregnancy, I had to keep away my normal jeans and start wearing maternity dresses or leggings with long covering shirts as soon as I entered 2nd trimester.

For my 2nd pregnancy, my belly expanded so much faster than my first pregnancy, mainly due to the loose muscle around the belly after the first pregnancy. I found that I could no longer button my jeans anymore even when I was just 8 weeks pregnant. I took out my maternity dresses that I had kept well since 2 years ago.  I was very reluctant to put them on this time around as I found those dresses looked very old fashion and made me looked very ' preggy'.

Tagging on the 'reason' of having nothing to wear, I bought a few pairs of maternity clothes (inclusive of dresses, legging and blouse) from a local online maternity wear shopping site. Upon receiving the parcel, I found that those clothes looked different from what had been showcased in the website. It was not about the design but the look of those clothes on me. After some logical analysis, I realized that the main reason was I was carried away by the the pictures featuring those clothes, which were put on young (20++), petite non-pregnant women with fake oversize tummy. Not to say that they were also professional models who were relatively taller, with arms, legs and buttocks remain at the non-pregnant size.

Fail to transform myself elegantly into those newly-purchased, I decided to invest in a good set of belly belt, which allows me to continue wearing my existing jeans and skirts. After comparing the price at a few maternity stores, I finally got the following belly belt from LittleWhiz, which is just situated at my neighbourhood. The selling price was RM79.90, but it was at 10% discount during the time of purchase.

These set of belly belts comes with button fasteners, slide fasteners that transform your existing jeans, trousers and skirts into maternity wear. To keep the tummy covered after the expanded gap (because you are unlikely to zip up your jeans properly after putting on the fastener extension), there are also three panels in denim, black and white to patch up the gap. 

Button fasteners and slide fasteners

Three panels in black, white and denim colour.

During my first trimester, I did not need to use the panel yet ( as I still can zip up my pants almost fully),
only the button fastener is used in this picture.

The product claims that it allows you to keep wearing your favourite clothes throughout your pregnancy. So far, at week 21, it still delivers what it says. However, I doubt if I can still fit into my jeans and trousers later on during the third trimester, as we know that during that stage, not only your belly will be humongous, but your thighs and buttock too ( at least in my case!). 

Nevertheless, till date, I am happy enough with this product that allows me to fit into many of my pre-pregnancy attires. The only thing that I need to take caution is to always wear a longer top to cover up the belly belt segment.    

Angel # 02 knock the door?!

If you have PCOS and have tried to conceive for years, please do not give up. Seek for the advice of a good infertility expert and keep trying. I shared the same history as you, and just not long ago, I found out that I was pregnant again, with my 2nd baby, conceived naturally.

I am currently 14 weeks pregnant, still in the midst of enduring the "all-day-long" morning sickness and extreme fatigue. Ever since the pregnancy, I have also not been able to do house work after coming back from work everyday.  Thanks to my very caring and understanding husband, who has taken over the laundry and the cleaning chores at home.

After delivering Jaden back in April 2012, I enjoyed regular period for a short while. Unfortunately, it was just a few months down the road when the menstrual cycle slowly prolonged itself from the initial 25 days to 50 over days. It proves that PCOS doesn't cure once you have it, it follows you for the rest of your life. With the prolonged menstrual cycle, that also means I have less chance to conceive because I only ovulate almost every 2 months, hence, reducing my chance to get pregnant by half compared to what a normal woman enjoys. To add on the odds, PCOS patient might not even ovulate in every cycle.

On 29 January, in conjunction with Chinese New Year, we had a flight to catch from KL to Penang in the afternoon. Knowing that it's no joke to travel with a toddler of terrible-two age, I woke up at 6am to double checked all the luggage just to make sure everything was in order. Jaden and I shared a medium size trolley luggage. It was already very packed when I realized I should also pack my sanitary pads since it was already day-53 of my cycle. For a-week-long reunion trip, I threw in a packet of day use and a packet of night use pads into the luggage. The outcome was, I couldn't zip up my overflowing luggage.  I checked my hubby's back pack, there was no room to fit in my pads too.

While I was cracking my head on how to reorganize my luggage, a thought flashed through my mind:" If I was pregnant, I don't even need the pads!"

Honestly, hubby and I have been trying to get Jaden a sibling for about half a year (3 cycles) already . With such irregular period, hectic working life in KL and a terrible two to look after, we truly dare not put too much hope on our 'little backyard project'. In fact, our plan was to go back to Dr.Prashant to ask for advice to perform a few rounds of IUI after Chinese New Year.

But that morning, due to the 2 packets of sanitary pads, I braved myself again to use the only leftover RM 6.90 pregnancy test kit to find out the answer. The result was almost immediate, there were 2 lines! I was stunned for a few second before I woke my hubby up to verify the result. He testified that he also saw 2 lines. We were happy but was also worried at the same time.

The fact was, I had recurring fever, sinusitis and very bad sore throat for a few weeks. Just 3 days before I found out that I was pregnant, I just finished the prescribed medication that include a very strong course of antibiotic. I did not want the effect of the medicine to have the slightest chance to harm my newly conceived embryo.

After sending Jaden to the nursery, we headed straight to my company's panel clinic to verify my pregnancy.
The doctor performed the UPT in front of our eyes.

He said: " I think you are not pregnant, there is only one line".

He was right, hubby and I didn't see the second line on the strip as well.

We were disappointed, but also relieved that at least there is no such worry of having an 'antibiotic baby'. Well, the timing was just not right. We shall try again.

However, miraculously just after a few seconds, the doctor said: " Wait, the 2nd line is appearing, it is faint but that shows a positive result."

Asking about the side effect of the medicine to my embryo, this was the answer from the doctor that I could never forget:

" If I knew that you were pregnant earlier, I wouldn't have prescribed all these medicine."
After getting the names of all the medicine, we left the clinic with heavy hearts.

• Polaramine (Flu)
• Ciprosloxacin (Antibiotic)
• Bisolven (Phlegm)
• Paracetamol (Fever)

To further confirm the pregnancy, I bought another 2 sets of the most expensive pregnancy test kits from the pharmacy, both showed a positive result.

I was floating through the whole Chinese New Year break. Didn't know should I be happy or not. I googled through almost all the websites that could possibly give me an answer about the side effects of the medicine I was taking.

After the break, I paid a visit to KL Fertility Centre to seek for Dr. Prashant's advice. After looking at the list of the medicine, he was very certain that the chances for the medicine to affect the baby is low.

On week-12, my visit to FMGC for the 1st trimester screening by Dr. Patrick Chia has helped me to clear my concern. The screening result was satisfactory and the baby was doing well.

The 2nd miracle in our life has knocked on our door. Welcome in, my 2nd angel. What mum wants the most for you is good health and happiness.

The boy and the aeroplane

Jaden loves car. "Car" is his favourite word. Before long, he learned to pronounce 'aeroplane', but he has never successfully say the word perfectly. No matter how many times I taught him, "air plane" is his best effort to pronounce the word.

Early January this year, we (three of us and my mum) boarded on Air Asia X, took a 7-hour night flight and landed at Adelaide, Australia. As a first time flyer, Jaden's performance was great. He loves aeroplane and couldn't wait to see the real big bird. The over excited boy did not sleep until past midnight. We have purchased the front row hot seats for the convenience of putting him in the bassinet. We were lucky that as the result of just been discharged from the hospital barely 3 weeks before the trip, Jaden was at his lowest weight record, 10.3 kg. This qualified him to stay below the maximum capacity of the bassinet, which is 11kg.

Looks like the bassinet is a bit too short for my baby.

The only challenge we faced was whenever there was turbulence, we were instructed by the air stewardess to carry the sleeping baby and put him to sit with us. This woke up the sleeping baby every time and it was hard to comfort the sleepy grumpy boy. I prayed so hard for not to have turbulence but still couldn't avoid to disturb him 3-4 times throughout the journey.

Adelaide is a good place for toddlers. Low population, fresh air, plenty of well-kept parks, stroller friendly pedestrian streets, clean and convenient baby rooms in most of the public premise. The barely 2 -year-old Jaden did not really know how to appreciate the excitement of theme park or zoo. What attracted him the most was the spacious greens that allows him to roam freely.  Back to the basic, freedom is mankind's ultimate need. Expensive toys and luxury materials mean nothing to a toddler. Sadly, we do not have much luxury to enjoy this basic needs in the big cities of Malaysia. Security was the biggest concern of most parents when bringing kids for outdoor activities. In addition, the heat and the haze condition lately, impose further limitations to most parents here.

Having some fun at the zoo.

He loves borderless greens

Jaden and his favourite toy car

Dipping his hand in the chilly fountain

7 happy days passed in the blink of eyes. The return flight was a day flight, Jaden only slept for 2 hours for the whole 7.5 hours journey. The rest of the time, he was busy playing with other toddlers and passengers in the plane.

Bye bye, drink more water while flying to prevent dehydration.

3 weeks after returning from Adelaide, we boarded on Malindo Air to fly to Penang for Chinese New Year reunion. Again, another smooth journey for Jaden.

With these successful flying experience, we are ready to fly further and higher in the future!



 

The season of sickness

The whole November, the three of us in the family have seen doctors for at least 3 times, respectively. I, as usual down with sinusitis; Bernard lost his voice and developed hemorrhoid; Jaden was down with flu, which then developed to viral fever that led to his admission to the hospital recently.

27 Nov 2013 (Wednesday)
Jaden vomited everything that went into his stomach since the evening. In total, he vomited 8 times throughout the night. No diarrhea, no fever. It was a sleepless night for Bernard and I to constantly clean the baby, mop the floor and chance the bed sheets.

28 Nov 2013 (Thursday)
First thing in the morning, Jaden was sent to the nearest child specialist clinic at Setia Alam. Since no high temperature detected,  he was diagnosed for 'mild food poisoning'. The boy had hence stopped vomiting. However, he refused to eat and drink for the rest of the day. In the evening, Jaden started to have fever at 38.7 degree. We took him back to the same child specialist at 8.30 PM.  He was then diagnosed with throat infection and was given suppository to bring down his high temperature.

29 Nov 2013 (Friday)
Four hours after the insertion of suppository, Jaden's temperature came back again. Since suppository can only be given every eight hours, we were instructed to feed him Paracetamol during the interval. But the medicine did not help, his temperature continued to increase. Waited until the 8th hour, we immediately inserted another dose of suppository into the baby. Temperature was brought down once again. Throughout the night and the next morning, again he refused to eat nor drink. This really worried us. We decided to send him to Dr. Chai Pei Fan in Pantai Hospital Kuala Lumpur. He was immediately admitted and put on drips to ease his dehydration condition. His fever did not subside. Paracetamol and suppository was given to him alternately.

The whole children ward was fully packed. We requested for a single room, but was told we were the 3rd on the waiting list. While waiting for our turn, we were put in a four-bedded room, with three other beds not occupied.  Jaden and I spent a night in the ancient and depressed-looking room.

Ancient looking four-bedded children ward. 

30 Nov 2013 (Saturday)
Still refused to eat and drink. My baby had lost  a lot of muscle mass. I could even touch his bone whenever carrying him. He was scared of all the nurses and doctors, cried hysterically every time they entered the room. I was the only 'tree' that my Koala trusted throughout his stay in the hospital. Meanwhile, I was told that the blood sample taken yesterday was too 'thin', thus unable to yield any result. They have no choice but to took another 2.5 ml of blood sample from Jaden's thumb tip. In the afternoon, Antibiotic was added into his drips when viral infection was confirmed, although they still cannot confirm what type of virus mutant was that.

At 6.45 PM, We were finally transferred to a single room, where I can rest on a single bed next to the baby cot. There was also a TV with Astro channels. This was a big improvement in term of comfort level for both the baby and myself.

Finally a single room with a bed for me too.

1 Dec 2013 (Sunday)
Crying, having high fever and starving himself for another day. Luckily, his fever is controlled between 37 to 37.5 from that evening on wards. Later on in the mid night, his fever successfully subsided.

2 Dec 2013 (Mon)
With no more recurring fever and the baby was able to eat some solid food,  Dr. Chai finally gave the green light for the baby to be discharged. Due to the massive number of patient, the discharged procedure took us a whole six hours to be finalized. The hospitalization fees was RM 3,000. Luckily it was covered by the insurance policy that we have purchased after Jaden was born.

Jaden looked very happy to be home again.
Baby, there is nothing more important to be able to see you smiling again.

At the point of writing, I am having high fever. I believe this is the result of exhaustion. May the season of sickness be over soon!

Loosing My Cool

At 1.30 PM today, when I returned to my workstation from the office's washroom, there were 2 missed calls left on my mobile.  The number was from Cherie Hearts, the kindergarten/nursery/infant care center that baby Jaden is currently enrolled.

Immediately, I returned the call but to no avail. To be more precise, I was instructed by a 'computerized voice' to 'hang up and try again later'. I then continued to make another 5 to 6 calls that ended up with the same outcome. Knowing that baby Jaden was having flu and cough since the past few days, my imagination began to run wild. Past memory of Jaden with his bruised right cheek, which according to his teacher, resulted from him falling off the chair by himself while the kids were having lunch began to haunt me. Not to mention that merely a week after his bruised cheek incident, I witnessed another 2-year old boy in his class having his right eyes and cheek bruised in dark purple and green. I was told that he ran and crashed into the door by himself.

Failing to contact the center, I contacted Ms. R, who is the owner/principle. My effort was in vain after 3 attempts. No one seems to answer the line. While trying hard to control my anxiety, I sent her a text message requesting her to check on Jaden's condition and contact me back as soon as possible.  

While my husband rushed back to Cherie Hearts from KL, I continued to make numerous calls for the next 45 minutes to the center but again, to no avail. While trying to keep myself calm, my phone suddenly rang. It was Ms. R. She said that Jaden's teachers were trying to call me but they could not reach me. That first sentence from her really made me blew my top. I couldn't help anymore but burst out all the disappointment that I chose to keep to myself all these while. 

Here are a few of them just to recap:

1) Jaden vomited in the center a few days ago. His shirt and pants together with food debris on them were put into a plastic bag, snug into his bag and handed to me in the evening. Yes, you are right, there was no effort taken to at least rinse off the debris. When I opened the plastic bag at home in the evening, the debris was almost harden up and it took me quite a while to remove them from the already stained fabric. 

2) I organized 3 medicine bottles and a syringe in a proper container and requested the teachers to feed Jaden accordingly. And guess what? When he got home, the syringe was found unrinsed (with stain of medicine syrup in the syringe tube) and medicine bottles were found leaking all over the container. 

3) In my opinion, it is a very irresponsible act for not repairing the faulty phone line immediately. How do you expect the parents to feel secure when leaving their kids in an unreachable environment? (We found out from the teacher on the same day that the phone line 'sometimes is in order but sometimes not'. Obviously, the problem has existed for quite a while.)

Ms. R apologized immediately and improvement was promised. I totally understand the stress of the child care center to keep up with parents' expectation. However,  from the day of enrollment, both my husband and I already knew that it is impossible to hope for top notch service as promised when you signed up. In fact, all these while we have chosen to stand on their shoes, justifying all the small hick-ups by understanding the mess they have to go through with so many kids running around in the center.   

I believe most parents would choose to take care of their own child full time if given a choice. Sadly, too many of us have to endure in silence, the dissatisfaction of the poor service provided by childcare centers. I hope things will improve but honestly at this point of time, it is better for me not set any expectation.   

P/s: The reason why the center called me in the first place was to tell me that Jaden vomited again due to vigorous cough. My husband brought him back home early.